you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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