I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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