I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Randomize
