I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
