I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
