make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
