The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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