I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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