Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
