wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
