Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
