Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
