If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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