i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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