We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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