I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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