its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
