I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
