I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
