I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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