i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
