I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize