I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to stick my p in your. b.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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