yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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