Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
