so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
