I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
