and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
