his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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