I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
