i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
