I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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