I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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