My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
