I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
