I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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