Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize