so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
