you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
