she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
