She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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