Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
