You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
