you have to choose: penises or morals?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
