If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
