Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
