i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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