Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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