You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
