Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
