My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
