She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
