You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sobbing to NWA