I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.