What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"