So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.