the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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