He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
