I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
