These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
