Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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