she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
