Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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