watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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