my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
