the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
