i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
