if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
