I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
