6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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