We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
