i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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