I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The air taste purple.
Randomize
