i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize