So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
