we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
