What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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