***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
