make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
